


Tarellian Starship Log

by ameerkatofficial



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Death, Death of family, F/M, Female Characters, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Female Character, Suicide, death of friends, dying, plauge, tarellian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 16:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7691953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameerkatofficial/pseuds/ameerkatofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I just watched "Haven" and got sad. So here is Ariana with the weather!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tarellian Starship Log

**Author's Note:**

> im so sad

We sent out another six, today. It was an entire family--mother, father, three daughters, a young son. The oldest of the children was my friend, Astera. I remember just yesterday morning seeing her hazel eyes come alight, becoming gold when she laughed.

Isn't it funny that I haven't wept yet? I feel like I've forgotten how. But it had happened so quickly! And soon the sores took hold of her, the appearance of bruises upon her pretty, olive skin. But the passing was utterly pathetic with how she built up to it, howling in pain throughout the night, only to end with a gasp and a shudder and a flutter of her lids. 

But what else did I expect? I've seen this many times before, and I know that is the only end for me...

At least I had another dream of him, of this Wyatt Miller, and I know he dreamt of me too. How lovely his smile is when he sees me, brighter than our lovely star which climbs through the sky through the day before dipping down into the night to trade with our silvery twin moons. I took him tonight to the desert dunes where I used to play, where it was just dark enough outside to gaze upon that wonderful sky, where the ethereal moons would smile down upon us. 

And tonight, he kissed me...

And it was wonderful! Absolutely everything I've ever dreamed of--if only this weren't just a dream. But he was so good at it, so gentle, easy, as he held me close to him. I could feel his warmth, feel every hair on his head, and how I wished, wished, wished it wasn't just a dream!

But that desert is a graveyard now, where my mother and sister are buried. And so is this damned ship. In the night we lost poor old Adhara, and Orion, and Nova, and good Atlas, kind Atlas, strong Atlas who heaved his last breaths while I fooled around in a land of my own dreams, with a boy of my own dreams! What a pity it is, then, that it is these dreams that keeps my sanity, and these dreams alone. But I wake amongst the savages who doomed the entirety of us, I am myself one of these savages, so why do I fool myself into believing that I deserve the love of this gentle, of this kind Wyatt Miller, who promises his life to me?

At least he vows to heal us someday, but when will this someday come? When I am dead? Drifting? Is he even real? I question at times if I am even real, if my hands are my own hands, or if this is the dream--the nightmare--and I will soon wake to him beside me, smiling that lovely, timid smile as he always does. Perhaps when I go to the fields with him in the night is the reality? Perhaps none of it at all is, and I am simply dead and reliving my life in some cruel mess?

I have wondered about this quite a lot recently...what does death bring? I imagine it so often that it feels like a memory, of my senses shutting down suddenly, of being plunged into black. A shudder and a flutter of lids, a cough, all is obvious, but then what next when the light finally fades from the eyes? Where does that light go? To the stars? Or else beyond them? Will my spirit be free of my aching body, of my misery? Will I see my mother, my sister, my friends again? How long I have wished to answer these questions! How I have been tempted to try!

But I must restrain myself, in case Wyatt Miller does keep his promise. In case he comes to hold me in his real arms, kiss my real lips.

And then is when I shall gladly die.

**Author's Note:**

> sTAY GOLD PONYBOY  
> STAY FUCKIN G O L D


End file.
